landrey's musings and scribblings

the elderly

vlykour — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 01:57:01 +0000

[written Christmas 2007]
she was born to
and loves them through
she would be bored
but for love’s word
she stays with them
in cough and flem
she cares and smiles
goes many miles
she hears them vent
remains content
she loves so true
i’m hard-pressed to
(why to her unforced?)

feeling useless on your birthday

vlykour — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 01:41:17 +0000

not adequate.
that’s what i am.
compared to you, my love.
dancing.
your neck.
unabashéd.
long shadows
creeping around us
yet our hearts strike
a match that frightens
off the darkness
and our souls strike
a chord that scares
away the demons
(and our bodies strike
a pose that intimidates
the competition.)
foster the passion flame.
humor me though it’s lame.
love me just the same.

all up in arms

vlykour — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 05:23:49 +0000

the day before D-Day
every post is alert
the start of the end
still, letters don’t hurt

the day of invasion
every gun is loaded
the crippling blow
still, waters run red

the charge up the beachhead
all but him get mowed down
the hell of his life
still, she wears white gown

the anguish of waiting
it’s the treaty for him
for her: his return
still, chances are slim

the joy of V-E Day
every train-car is bought
the return is certain
still, feelings are taut

the day of arrival
every worry just harms
the her sees the him
snap, all up in arms

he laid it all down
by taking up arms
then laid them back down
taking her in his arms.

IN LOVE flurries notwithstanding

vlykour — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 05:23:13 +0000

it’s snowing outside – a blizzard
not knowing inside – it’s miserable
flakes coming down – “a million parachutes”
aching deep down – too many paramedics
and as they fall, I quiver, what if she’s gone? ?
what if she fell. all calculations were wrong.
and what if with the sun, though it rises, come worse days? ?
evening: friends, night: white, mo(u) rning: black, daytime: lonely
left with picture and program and poem…alone.
like all of the others I stare down the phone.
“collect call from Zion, the New Jerusalem”
“package from 127 Gold Street from a Lady Louise”
delet all her pictures-regret-it’s too late
deactivate facebook-reminders just mount
that envelope, this playlist, erased and eradicated
now to hex with my mind! !
you’re in it
all through it
and these words don’t help free it
by looking away, you’ve forced ME TO STAY.

whose is the future??

vlykour — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 05:22:22 +0000

-take I-

how can I pursue you
when I am so unsure
of what my future holds
and hopefully ours
how could you love
such poor uncertainty
I blanch at decision
feign suave for tomorrow
I love you
that means your plans too
but the man leads
and it is he who feeds
you must hold on to me
as I hold on to my Anchor
but I sit stationary with the Anchor
and you are floating in the current
I reach out to you but it loosens my grip
on the One for whom you travel to tell of!!

-take II-

I’ve faced it. I’m not ready.
but if I don’t tell you
and if you don’t know
will you be ready for “get set and go”??
The future. And the money.
but when do the questions
and unanswered musings
get filled out by God – His plans and His choosings??
It’s slim. The likelihood.
but if it’s to be
and I don’t step to
I’ll hate myself for a lifetime or two.
My trust versus adulthood.
but are we ever mature
and do we ever know all
or just trust the One who can save those who Fall??
I take it. The trust step.
but what if it’s me
and less faith as ego??
believe and have tact – emotion’s the foe.

-take III-

would it help your self-esteem
if I said you are the queen
of all that is inside of me
and everything I’ll ever be

you might be busy
you might be swamped
(or like they say:
just overworked and underpaid)
but give me time
and you’ll see why
I write these words
to win your heart
expressing mine
it’s all about
what’s meant to be
and if that’s you
and you for me
why wait, why watch
let’s go, let’s see

but if I don’t know
I’ll never let go
can’t stand to lose you
we’re meant to be true

but what about trust?!
and what about faith!?
don’t I believe He can do it
whatever the time??
He calculates not concerning human emotion
but according to faith.
Though I still say, “i must show how deep.
i must show Him how true!! run my feelings
of love for her.” but really, He knows.
He knows and He knew, by logos
He CREATED YOU!!
I’m a product of, who I’m telling to
get my life straight. like I want it -
there’s no getting through.
Seems like soon His choices, narrowed by my pride,
will end in Him stripping me, of she from my side.
Then when she is gone, I can look and see Him.
And realize, He made me, why worship a whim??
Lord, please do correct me, when swallowed in sin
I figure, “I’ve got it!! ” but this ice is so thin
take footing, take money, take health and take all
take house, and take her, take big and take small
what’s left You must water, what remains of me
the desires of heart, Lord, you know what they be.
they are earthly and futile, allot what is best
teach me to know You, and trust for the rest.

take it o’ leave it

vlykour — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 05:20:57 +0000

my hand is still wet.
our mixture of sweat.
been holding so long.
lost humming our song.
then you slid out: bold.
and left my hand cold.
the wind ate away
the hand which that day
had held yours so tight.
you still took your flight
from the hand which was closed
and now is exposed
BUT…I WILL NOT HANDCUFF
CULTURE DOES ENOUGH.
AND…I WILL NOT MAKE YOU
LOVE ME LIKE I LOVE YOU.

the thought of you is my shadow

vlykour — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 05:20:30 +0000

as morning progresses it stays behind me
the deep and dark outline is full at high noon
even inside a building the pale white fluorescents
cast four sick-looking shapes and I’m thinking of you
and as the sun wanes my shadow grows long
for it’s true; I think of you, instride behind shadow
I linger in thought, the outline moves not
since as the night falls you melt into it
joining all darkness and shrouding my mind
you surround me until the dawn of day breaks
and a shrinking shadow is all that reminds
that you’re you and I’m me
and that we can’t be “we”
and “together” can’t be

next thing I know – winter solstice has come.
short days mean long nights
and I sleep with lights on
banning you to the corners and closets
to hide out behind my bookshelf and desk
and I dream that I live in a lightbulb

if only twas you not the thought
that trailed every move I make
with substance beyond the touch of a shadow
but finally living and with emotions for loving
within my touch and beyond two dimensions
you’re x-D with three plus even while sleeping
not surprised at our fiftieth I’m still finding facets
I hadn’t yet seen.

and though you age and though you fade
Alzheimer’s erases our love from our minds
i’ve conquered the dark and i’ve conquered my fear
i did it with you and because you, Love, were near.

give free

vlykour — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 05:20:01 +0000

You do not see my heart’s desire??
The others find it obvious.
To me, you matter more than worrying about you finding out.
I’d rather live the truth than tell a lie.
And I’d rather tell the truth than live a lie.
And if that means delaying the future
than I’ll just keep my mouth shut: loving you.

You miss that I miss you.
You’re not getting the fact that I’m saddened by your lack of mutual emotion.

I can’t stand when you stand me up.
but help me up and I’ll stand by you.

And I can’t forget you forgetting me.
even if I forgive you for not giving free.

I wish you wished I wished for you.
If that were true, your wish would be too.

use the exits

vlykour — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 05:19:32 +0000

the building is burning,
threatening collapse.
yet I stand,
as dumbfounded.
with no motivation
I seek no escape.
seemingly worthless―
my life is silent.
the only hope
glimmering true,
is if I endanger
another soul.
self-preservation? ?
weak against heroic selflessness.
I do not wish on her
the pain of cremation.
but if it threatened her
or affected us
I’d have to care.
someone for whom I’d exit.

This Too Shall Pass

vlykour — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 05:18:44 +0000

+this too shall pass+
the happiest of life’s moments.
yet too the saddest life offers.
the rush you get when, ‘she’s the one! ! ‘
the heartbreak felt when, ‘it’s all done.’
the body built by lifting weights,
will pass as fast as drug-spent frames.
+but He remains+
the only joy that’s strong and true
is brought by life that never fades
is bought by life that never sinned
is kept by those who trust in You.